Remakes are becoming more and more common, but are by no means a new phenomenon. The film industry constantly updates films from the past in a hope of making more money, and reinventing an old storyline. There are plenty of examples where the remake has gone horribly, horribly wrong - The Wicker Man, The Omen, Get Carter, City of Angels, Alfie, Vanilla Sky, I Am Legend, The Italian Job, 12 Angry Men, The Amityville Horror, Mr Deeds, Ultraviolet, 13 Ghosts, Taxi, Shaft, Rollerball, The Producers, Planet of the Apes, and even the otherwise reliable Coen Brothers’ version of The Ladykillers. I’m sure you can add your own. Now film fans everywhere have more reason to fear for the integrity of the classics, as Steven Spielberg and Will Smith are rumoured to be taking on Chan-wook Park’s Oldboy. Don’t even get me started…

So, where are the examples of successes? Where was the effort needed to remake a film worthwhile? Surely some directors can take the source material and turn it into something better? We have 11 examples.

So, we know the name of the game, but by what rules are we playing?

1. We are going for actual remakes, not films “heavily influenced by” others. Star Wars is said to be a loose retelling of The Searchers, Alien owes a huge part of it’s existence to The Terror From Outer Space. We are only going for remakes here, no matter how close the script of one is to another. It is a pretty fine line between a remake and a “sequel” in some cases, so feel free to disagree.

2. We are only going for film remakes. The Bourne Trilogy started life as a TV mini-series, and the film version was much better, but we are only comparing like for like. Likewise, Michael Mann’s Heat was a remake of the TV movie, LA Takedown, and because it was a TV movie I don’t have to have the worry of deciding which version was better.

3. A special case here. Both films need to be the same “take” on the source material. It wouldn’t be fair to say that Daniel Craig’s version of Bond in Casino Royale was better than David Niven’s version, because Niven’s version was a spoof.

4. There is a big difference between a remake and a retelling. Recent Superman and Batman films have effectively re-written the history of those characters, even though they had several films before them. These are different interpretations of the character, and could be considered re-imaginings, but they are not remakes. The key difference between these and “A Remake”  is that these films actively discourage comparisons to earlier works.

5. Finally, two takes on the same book, and the second film is considered a remake unless it deliberately tries to do something the original didn’t. Once a book has been made into a film it is “a film” and any succeeding films based on the same book will not only be held up in comparison to their source book, but also to the original film. Don’t believe me? Look at how Zefferelli’s 1968 version of Romeo And Juliet is revered as “the definitive” screen version of The Bard’s play, yet you couldn’t say that Baz Luhrmann’s version was a remake of that, even though the script was (obviously) identical. We included The Three Muskateers, The Maltese Falcon and Ben Hur here because the later versions were as much of a reaction towards the older film as it was towards the original book. And hands up who knew Ben Hur was a book first?

His Girl Friday (Howard Hawks, 1940) - remake of The Front Page (Lewis Milestone, 1931)

The first film on this list is by Hollywood’s most versatile of directors, and is the first of two Milestone films which were remade. His Girl Friday and The Front Page were both based on the Broadway play, The Front Page. Milestone’s version is an early screwball comedy, while Hawkes - at home in any genre - made one of the definitive films of the genre. The most significant change he made was to replace the male lead in The Front Page, with a female character. Not only did this small change add chemistry to the dialogue between Walter Burns (Cary Grant) and the newly cast Hildy Johnson (Rosalind Russell), it also allowed Hawkes to play with more realistic conversations between characters. Hawkes noted that when most people have a conversation they don’t speak to each other, they speak over each other. Cary Grant’s snappy delivery, Rosalind Russell’s ad libbed comebacks (she felt her character wasn’t fiesty enough in the script) and Hawkes fondness for spur of the moment film making all added to the charm.

The Maltese Falcon (John Huston, 1941) - remake of The Maltese Falcon (Roy Del Ruth, 1931)

The first film version of Dashiell Hammett’s book is a very good film. Although notably lighter in tone than the Huston version which was to become such a classic, it is remarkable for all sorts of reasons. First of all, it is interesting to note that a 1931 studio film was able to contain scenes with overtly homosexual characters, a naked woman in a bathtub, and implications of strip searching. The Hays Code was not to be enforced for a further three years, and so such images would not be allowed onto Hollywood screens again for another 30 years. In some ways, Huston’s classic benefitted from forced subtlety, as much of the material from Hammett’s book would have fallen foul of the code by 1941. Huston reacted to this by making the tone darker, and the characters more edgy. The trick obviously worked, as Panorama du Film Noir Américain declared that this was the very first “Film Noir”.

The Man Who Knew Too Much (Alfred Hitchcock, 1956) - remake of The Man Who Knew Too Much (Alfred Hitchcock, 1934)

Hitchcock described the differences between the original and his remake, 22 years later, as being “the work of a talented amateur and the work of a professional”. It is also notable for the importance of songs in the film, rather than Hermann’s score. Doris Day’s version of “Que Sera Sera” would become a classic, and far more iconic than even this great film. This was despite her initial insistence that the song was “for children”. It would be her biggest ever commercial recording.

Ben Hur (William Wyler, 1959) - remake of Ben Hur (Fred Niblo, 1925)

This is a fairly obvious choice, as one of the most successful films of all time, and the joint record holder for Oscars (11). Wyler’s religious epic cost an estimated $15m in 1959, and was a last ditch gamble by MGM to stave off bankruptcy. To put that in context, Goldfinger, released five years later, only cost $3m. The first attempt at a film version of Ben Hur was equally as ambitious given the limitations of moviemaking in the mid 1920’s. It would be another two years before “talkies”, yet Niblo’s film cost $3.9 million, had a cast of 125,000, and encorporated a chariot race every bit as ambitious as the one Wyler recreated 34 years later. To make the chariot race as competitive as possible it was rumoured that Louis B. Meyer offered $100 to the winner of the race. This not only increased the competitiveness of those taking part, but made the scene far more dangerous to shoot. For all the obvious qualities of the original, Wyler’s remake had more. Admittedly that was in no small part due to the technology available to him. The real key was having a director with the scope of Wyler, a Star like Charlton Heston, Gore Vidal working on the script, and an unheard of level of funding (MGM used everything they had to back this) to realise their vision. The chariot scene is a triumph of editing and suspense.

The Three Muskateers (Richard Lester, 1973) - remake of The Three Muskateers (George Sidney, 1948)

Why? Because it has Oliver Reed in it. If ever there was someone born to play a beer swilling, swashbuckler it was Oliver Reed. Reed was known to encourage his house guests, journalists and friends to attack him with swords, so his duelling skills would stay “sharp” (sorry). And this was well before he took the role of Athos. On set, stuntmen would draw lots as to who would face Reed, and some flat out refused. Quentin Tarantino praised the film, saying “Oliver Reed is f****** God in this movie”, and commented that the sword fighting was the best ever committed to celuloid. The level of realism is obvious. As well as having stuntmen literally fighting for their lives, the legendary Christopher Lee had to make sure his swordfighting skills were up to standard to avoid Reed killing him. And that was off set.

The Thing (John Carpenter, 1982) - remake of The Thing From Another World (Chris Nyby, 1951)

Carpenter’s remake of the film that (allegedly) started the career of Howard Hawks. Carpenter’s career is one of the strangest in Hollywood, as he is capable of producing genuine genre classics that deserve to be mentioned alongside anyone (Halloween, Assault on Precinct 13, Escape From New York), but equally as likely to turn out third rate work (Vampires, Escape From LA, Ghosts of Mars). This film certainly falls into the former category, and may indeed be Carpenter’s finest work. It was the first film which he did not write the score for, instead passing those duties to the able hands of Ennio Morricone. Although Carpenter’s version was initially a box office failure, it achieved a cult in the following years. This is in no small part due to the revolutionary special effects of Rob Bottin, who used every trick in the book (animatronics, makeup, smokescreens) to create The Thing. Nyby (or Hawkes) original was well ahead of it’s time, notably because of the strong female lead in a horror film- a Hawkes touch if ever there was one. It is obvious that Carpenter was a huge fan of the original. Sharp eyed viewers will note that footage of The Thing From Another World is used in Carpenter’s Halloween.

The Fly (David Cronenberg, 1986) - remake of The Fly (Kurt Neumann, 1958)

By definition, the story of a man who turns into a fly is pretty disgusting. Who better to take on the story than the man responsible for more exploding heads than your average military sniper? To this day, Cronenberg’s vision of George Langelaan’s Kafkaesque nightmare remains disturbing, and is far more of a horror film than the original, which is much more of a work of science fiction. The original was certainly creepy - any film with Vince Price has that box ticked immediately- but was much more about the dangers of tampering with nature than Cronenberg’s film. It was Cronenberg who took the film is a more Metamorphasis direction, showing the transformation in all it’s gory glory. Tim Burton was initially signed up to direct the 1986 remake, and if they ever decide on a third version there can be few more interesting prospects than Burton’s take on the classic.

Evil Dead II (Sam Raimi, 1987) - remake of Evil Dead (Sam Raimi,1981)

On first glance, this would be considered a sequel, rather than a remake. If you watch both films you will note that the first half of Evil Dead II is almost a complete retelling of the first film (albeit with more slapstick). Raimi couldn’t get the rights to his first film, and so decided to retell it as a sequel. While both films are technically brilliant, and were landmarks in low budget movie making (not least for Tom Philo’s cinematography), it is the second version that created the comedy-horror genre. The first film was seen as a “video nasty”, and was accused of being misogynistic, sadistic and over violent (what else could be expected of a film that used dyed rice cream as zombie entrails?)- exactly the reason that it is so revered by the “Splat Pack” directors such as Eli Roth, Neil Marshall and Darren Lynn Bousman. Where the second version exceeds the first is in it’s subtleties. The violence is just as vibrant, the horror just as horrific (eyeball eating? decapitation? sawing off an infected arm? Check, check, check), but the humour of the film makes it much more enjoyable to watch. The first version may have been a landmark for Horror, but the second version created a genre of it’s own.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (Frank Oz, 1988) - remake of Bedtime Story (Ralph Levy, 1964)

Bedtime story has everything to suggest it should be a classic. Marlon Brando and David Niven were the stars, playing two gigolos with a wager on who was the best representative of the profession. Niven was so at home with comic roles that he could have done this role at any point in his career. Without any disrespect (the man could clearly act!), comic roles were not Brando’s forte. 24 years later, Steve Martin was in the middle of his Hot Streak (Three Amigos; Little Shop of Horrors; Roxanne; Planes, Trains and Automobiles) and was cast in the Marlon Brando role as Freddy, alongside Michael Caine’s Lawrence. The pair played con-men with the same mark in their sights - the heiress Janet Colgate. It is remarkable then, to realise that the project was initially to be remade for David Bowie and Mick Jagger, who executives were desperate to have on screen together after their Dancing In the Street video. It is hard to imagine the film as being anywhere near as funny!

Desperado (Robert Rodriguez, 1995) - remake of El Mariachi (Robert Rodriguez, 1992)

Although this might be considered a sequel (along with Once Upon A Time In Mexico, the three are sometimes considered a trilogy), Desperado is just a big budget version of El Mariachi. The first version of the film was created for the princely sum of $9000, with the remake costing around 1000 times that amount - still very cheap for a Hollywood production. Hitchcock said that his first attempt at The Man Who Knew Too Much was the work of a skilled amateur, and his second was the work of a professional. The first version of El Mariachi is clearly the work of a professional, albeit a professional hamstrung by the constraints of budget. The second version was the work of more than a professional. Rodriguez, a one man production crew, wrote both films, directed them, edited them, produced them, wrote the soundtrack (although this music is Desperado was later replaced) and worked the cameras. The fact that he was allowed a real budget meant that he could pack all the explosions and gunfighting into his second version as he wanted in the first. It also meant that he was allowed to bring in a genuine Star to play the title role - Antonio Banderas, straight off the set of Interview With A Vampire - and introduce English speaking audiences to the charms of Ms Salma Hayak.

Ocean’s 11 (Steven Soderberg, 2001) - remake of Ocean’s 11 (Lewis Milestone, 1960)

Many would claim that the original is the better film, as it had all the cool of the rat pack. The way Soderberg created his version in 2001 was far more “cool” than the original, and in many ways out rat packed the Rat Pack. While the original was obviously a vehicle for the group, the story (or certainly the scam) is the biggest star in the remake. The two sequels (12 and 13) fall into the same trap that the original did, and labour under the weight of their stars, but the remake was light and sharp. The soundtrack by David Holmes balances 60’s retro cool, with the knowledge of everything that came afterwards in the same way Tarantino’s film music manages. Everything works towards creating a film that seems to span the entire 41 years between the two versions, and something that has much more in common with classic crime capers like The Sting or The Asphalt Jungle than the original.

So, what have we learned here? You’ll notice that I haven’t got any foreign language films, remade into English. There is a good reason for that. There is a fairly good argument for directors remaking their own films - three of our list are films re-created by their original director. The good remakes also seem to have a gap of at least 20 years between original and remake. Perhaps that is enough time to make a reworking worthwhile?

If there are any budding film-makers out there, these are the exceptions. Please leave the good films alone!

Do you think Gus Van Sant’s Psycho has been cruelly left out? Are you desperate to see Tony Scott’s version of The Warriors? Have we left something off the list? Let us know.

I must apologise; last weekend was a disaster. Not only was the football way off the mark, but Daniel got eliminated from The X Factor (just as I said wouldn’t happen). Sorry about that. I also must apologise to the Texperts who told me they had a punt on the Spurs game based on my prediction. New week, new start. That said Big Bad Mark Lawrenson (who for some reason I seem to have pit myself against) didn’t do too well. He scored one more result correctly, but failed to get a correct score. I know I cannot compare myself to someone else all the time, so as much as it might embarrass me, here’s the analysis of last weeks predictions, and my running success (see, it’s still success for now):

Previous Week Analysis

Correct Results: 3 correct results, 1 correct score (from 10).

Weekly Returns: Loss; returns 87p per £1 staked.

Running returns: Win; returns £1.17 per £1 staked.

If points make pounds, then West Bromwich Albion must be in a recession so hard that the Premier League is thinking of repossessing The Hawthorns. A quick examination of the results sheet reveals why; their recent form is abysmal. A 3-0 drubbing at the weekend now means that in their last six games they have conceeded 17 goals. Their 11 points looks more like a John Sergeant Strictly Come Dancing score. If you hover around WBA forums, there are some who think the January transfer window spells a magical opening (which I can only imagine as some kind of stargate) through which numerous great players will descend upon the Black Country side who are rooted at the bottom of the table. While I don’t think this will happen, I do wonder whether they will find it in them to avoid the drop. I hope so.

Also in the news this week I noticed the headline: “Barton blow for Newcastle”, which makes a refreshing change from “Barton blow for random man outside McDonald’s”.

Aston Villa v Man Utd

Top marks to Villa last week against Arsenal; they practically played them off the park in the first half. I don’t think this will help them against Man Utd. On the back of the stomping they delivered at Stoke, I reckon Villa will have their hands full trying to keep the Mancs under control. Expect Ronaldo to feature heavily. Although I don’t think it is a clear cut as the Bookies are making it out to be (at 4/5). Perhaps better to get on a score. Prediction: Aston Villa 1-2 Man Utd (Correct score @ 7/1).

Chelsea v Newcastle

Chelsea continue their stampede throughout the nation; most recently dispatching five past Sunderland for no reply. I really can’t see how Newcastle will stop them. Sadly, the bookmakers seem to agree, making a Chelsea victory as certain as Birmingham City’s promotion this season. It’s simply a question of how many they will score? I would have said 25, but with Drogba out and Jupiter in the fourth Moon phase, it’s probably going to be a few less than that. Prediction: Chelsea 3-0 Newcastle (Correct Score @ 11/2).

Liverpool v Fulham

Yossi Benayoun has turned on the waterworks this week because Rafa keeps using him as a substitute. My heart bleeds. Liverpool are running on a string of blistering form; they’ve only lost once at home in the past 29 outings, and that was to Man Utd. What’s the odds of Liverpool beating Fulham. There’s about as much chance as the Queen walking on the moon as there is Fulham getting anything from this fixture. The only question is the score - if they do better than Chelsea then they’ll go top. Prediction: Liverpool 3-0 Fulham (Correct Score @ 6/1)

Man City v Arsenal

God bless Arsenal for making me look stupid last week - appreciated. Walcott is out, Gallas has effectively said that his team aren’t good enough at the moment and they’re coming of the back of a poor result at home against Villa. While this doesn’t suddenly transform Wenger’s side into a Sunday league team, I think this will distract them enough for Man City to take a point out of this game. Prediction: Draw @ 23/10

Middlesborough v Bolton

Middlesborough’s recent form is pretty decent. Having not lost for five games, I can’t see how Bolton can score there. It’s worth noting that Bolton have failed to score in over half of their Premier League games this season and I have a funny feeling this will continue here. Granted, they picked up some useful points from Hull and Man City, but this will be a very different game. Predicition: Middlesborough Home Win @ 10/11

Portsmouth v Hull

Hull are beginning to get found out, like a kid who would hide in the bins during hide and seek. They looked alright at Man City last week; but the draw there means they’ve taken one point from 12. Portsmouth have a two or three key players out this weekend (Lassana Diarra and Niko Kranjcar are both out unless they somehow get ankle transplants). I have a sneaky feeling that Hull will get something from this game. Granted, i’m probably the only person in the country who does. If we were playing the “link-the-games” game then it looks good on Hull: Man City beat Portsmouth 6-0, Hull drew with Man City 2-2. Not that I’d use these kind of Monkey Statistics to justify my decisions. Obviously. Prediction: Hull Away Win @ 7/2

Stoke v West Brom

I can see this being a very exciting game. Mainly because the defenders are all about as robust as tracing paper. Stoke and West Brom share the accolade of conceding the most goals this season in the Premier League. Between them they’ve conceded 48 goals, which is - if nothing else - mighty impressive. It becomes more impressive when you consider the list of records West Brom currently hold: they’ve lost more games than any other club, they’ve scored the fewest goals in the league, and have the worst goal difference. In all honesty, whether this game is interesting or not remains to be seen; neither team is world renowned for scoring goals. I think Stoke will edge it though, and that’ll mean more misery for West Brom. Predicition: Stoke Home Win @ 23/20.

Sunderland v West Ham

It’s all looking a bit shaky at West Ham; Zola is probably going to be looking for a Pizza-the action this weekend (sorry..). Sunderland had a good win at Blackburn, and I reckon they’ll see off West Ham here. West Ham would be better off if Zola put himself on a sub. I reckon this is a home win. Prediction: Sunderland Home Win @ 23/20

Tottenham v Blackburn

Most Spurs fans are hoping that Gomes has sent his CV to the local circus. Some interesting goalkeeping over the past few weeks have not really helped Spurs. Although I don’t think it matters. Blackburn haven’t won a league game since September, and they aren’t going to win this one either. You could put a inflatable banana in goal this weekend and it won’t make an ounce of difference. Prediction: Tottenham Home Win @ 8/11

Wigan v Everton

These two behemoths meet on Monday, and it could be very interesting to watch. Wigan have won just one of the last seven, and one from six at home. Everton on the other hand are looking impressive recently; they come into this game having taken 11 points from 15. I think there’s a good chance Everton can take this away from home. They have plenty of people who can score, so I can’t see why getting on them would be a bad idea. Prediction: Everton Away Win @ 7/4.

On Tuesday night in Edinburgh, Texperts & BAA were Highly Commended by a panel of 70 judges for their Check Your Terminal service at Heathrow Airport.

In a highly competitive category, with 6 nominations making the shortlist, the BBC took the gong (boom hiss).  However, special mention was given to the Check Your Terminal service with a “Highly Commended” badge provided, to go along with our Blue Peter badge.

The judges have been effusive in their praise of the service, stating:

• “Innovative, unique and leading edge, benefits both financial and in terms of the customer experience … This submission stands out from the crowd and in itself is clear and comprehensive.”
• “There is clear evidence of a partnership working together to find a solution which has improved customer service in a new and accessible way. Tangible results are shown and valuable data is being utilised to further improve the service, including customer feedback.”
• “The advantages of this service to the time-pressured customer are very clear. What’s great about this service is that it is simple to use, responsive, evolving and potentially, invaluable. What’s more, it demonstrates the commitment BAA has to ‘going the extra mile’ to help its customers. This is a very original solution to a very old problem - how to find out what you don’t know quickly and easily.  A great submission.”

We are sure this is the first in a long line of recognition for the innovation and expertise we bring to the customer care sector. Well done to all those involved!

Yet again, my weekend has been dominated by The X Factor. I thought it couldn’t get any worse, but when Laura was eliminated the show sunk to new depths. To keep it relevant, there was some money to be made in X Factor betting. Prior to Saturday, Laura was the bookies second favourite to win the whole thing (you could of got 66-1 from Hills and Pagebet on Laura being eliminated). Daniel seems to dodge bullets from all angles, and I reckon he’ll be alright next week. If you want anywhere to stick your money, I’d put in on Rachel to be eliminated next. Sadly, the bookies seem to agree with yours truly, putting her second favourite to go - best you can do is 3/1 with Coral.

Anyway, back to business. Not the greatest weekend tips wise, although I did plump for the Liverpool correct score rather than the outright. A £1 unit stake on each of last weeks selections returned £14.74 for a £10 stake with a strike rate of 40%. More Importantly, Mark “BBC Sport Football Expert” Lawrenson also scored four correct results - a draw for this week.

I’ll tell you something for free: it’s never boring as a West Ham fan. After Collison put them ahead with 27 minutes to go against Everton, they must have thought they were looking at their first win in six attempts. Imagine their surprise when the game fell apart quicker than a Kerry Katona interview; three goals in four minutes sent West Ham fans home blowing more fuses than bubbles.

Arsenal v Aston Villa

I continue to be amazed by the speed at which fans call for the heads of their managers. The Arsenal fans who called for Wenger’s head prior to the Man Utd game are probably hiding under a very large blanket with the words “Warning: May Contain Idiots” written on it. Arsenal will be re-energised by the victory at Utd, and considering that their home form is good (excepting the defeat by Hull), it might be difficult for Villa to find a way in at the Emirates. Villa are quite erratic away from home so far and the last time Villa beat Arsenal in the Premier League was 10 years ago. All seems pretty self-explanatory. Did someone shout Hull? Prediction: Arsenal Home Win @ 1/2 (price is a bit short here if you ask me, so I’d get on the score - Arsenal 2-0 Villa @ 5/1)

Blackburn v Sunderland

Oh, how I look forward to this game. Blackburn’s home record is fantastically abysmal. Overall, they’ve taken three points from their last six games. Three must be lucky for Monsieur Ince and Co., because it’s also the number of goals they’ve scored at home in last six games in the Premier League. In the midweek cup game, Sunderland dominated for large periods but didn’t get anything out of the game after Blackburn scored two in five minutes. This game could go either way, so I’m going to meet in the middle. Prediction: Draw @ 12/5

Bolton v Liverpool

Lots of people who know people reckon this year is Liverpool’s year in terms of the Premier League. It’s not difficult to see why either. Liverpool crept above Chelsea on Saturday while they weren’t looking, and many are tipping Liverpool to sit themselves there permanently after Christmas. With the Liverpool defence looking solid this season, I doubt Bolton have it in them to turn over a Liverpool team which is normally pretty good on the road (midweek permitting). Out of interest, investment bankers have recently issued a stark warning about the profitability of Liverpool in the current economic crisis (insert joke about Benitez selling shellsuits at a Car Boot). Prediction: Liverpool Away Win @ 4/6

Fulham v Tottenham

Fair play to Fulham last week, who soundly shut me up by beating Newcastle 2-1. That said, had Michael Owen aimed for the goal and not the International Space Station from six yards out, things could have been very different. But I’m not bitter.  Spurs did well for themselves on Sunday - while outplayed for a fair share of the game, they went home with three points, mainly thanks to Darren Bent. If you’d of asked me before the midweek Cup game, I’d of said that the Spurs run of good form had to come to an end soon. After watching them midweek, and their discovery that playing down the line is allowed, I reckon they’ll sail past Fulham away from home. Prediction: Tottenham Away Win @ 13/10

Manchester Utd v Stoke

Alex Ferguson will have been feeling somewhat hard done by to leave with nothing from the Emirates. For the independent, it was good to watch. Fergie’s side very rarely underperform against the minnows of the league, so you can expect Stoke to get a bit of a bashing on Saturday. With some quite evident scrapping during the game against Wigan on the weekend, they’ll probably be too busy beating each other up to notice Utd putting three/four goals past them. Prediction: Home Win @ 1/7 (the price here is shorter than Paul Daniel’s trousers. For value, get on Man Utd 3-0 @  11/2).

Newcastle v Wigan

Wigan go to St. James Park looking for some well needed points. Newcastle are looking better at home, and Wigan have aren’t exactly wallowing in success; away from home they’ve won one in six. Newcastle come off the back of an excellent win at home to Villa, and they should shaft Wigan this weekend. Interestingly, all six of the meetings between these sides in the Premier League have been won by the team at home. Newcastle all the way. Prediction: Newcastle Home Win @ 21/20

West Brom v Chelsea

“Ho Ho Ho” or “Ha Ha Ha”. Either one of these would have sufficed for the Chelsea v Burnley game on Wednesday. Some West Brom fans might think this represents a chance for them to take some points from Chelsea on the weekend. The level of delusion required to come to this conclusion is, quite frankly, incredible. Chelsea will see the Carling Cup exit as water off a very successful duck’s back. Expect them to score two or three goals here past West Brom. The Baggies must be feeling it at the bottom of the table. Prediction: Chelsea Away Win @ 3/10 (again, the price here is shocking. Go for the correct score, 0-3, at 6/1).

West Ham v Portsmouth

LLLLDL - not some kind of secret language, but the results from West Ham’s last six games. Unsurprisingly, this is the worst form in the Premiership. Big Tone was manning the Happy Ship Portsmouth as they bagged an important win against Sunderland. It’s a tight call, but I think Portsmouth will edge it. For those who care, King o’ Stats (BBC) tells us that that Portsmouth are due a win sequentially, as their last five Premier League visits to London have alternated between a loss and a win. How exciting. Prediction: Portsmouth Away Win @ 15/8

Everton v Middlesborough

Both teams have been in pretty reasonable form this season, with both coming into this weekend on the back of a four game unbeaten run. These two currently sit neatly next to each other in the table, and I can see it being reasonably tight at Goodison on Saturday. That said, I think Everton have the edge - Arteta is looking well so far, and gives me all the confidence I need to bet on my homeboys. No diggity. Prediction: Everton Home Win @ 5/6

Hull v Man City

A lot of people are suggesting that the Hull bubble will soon burst. It’s an interesting one for Mark Hughes. After receiving the magic vote of confidence, he’ll want his boys to assert themselves and effectively force the doubters to shut up. Oddly, Hull’s home form is much worse than their away form, and I can see that trend continuing on Sunday. Prediction: Man City Away Win @ 7/5

Treble: Blackburn Draw; Liverpool Win; Newcastle Win

Last weekend, I witnessed the most shocking result of my entire life. The unbelievably talented Austin Drage found himself forcibly ejected from The X Factor. That said, some might say Stoke turning over Arsenal was a bit surprising.

It would appear that having someone who can throw a ball from the touchline to the fifth moon of Jupiter is quite useful. As a Birmingham City fan, I can say with some experience that having a player with a long throw is a definite weapon. The ex-blues man Andy Legg at one point held the world record for having the longest throw (with 41 metres). Stoke are now the proud owner of such a weapon, in the shape of Rory Delap. His throw-ins have helped Stoke beat Villa, Sunderland and Arsenal and have contributed to eight of Stoke’s 13 goals. Stoke travel to Wigan this weekend, and with the Wigan defence making mistakes which Steve Bruce claims are “not acceptable at this level”, it’ll be interesting to see if Delap can add any more assists to his current tally.

Arsenal v Man Utd

Without doubt the biggest game of the weekend. Man Utd come into this game off the back of a somewhat shonky win against Hull, where big Fergie admitted he was “embarrassed at the end”. That’ll be no consolation to Arsenal, who Hull turned over 2-1 in September having scored all the goals (thanks to an own goal from McShane). Arsenal didn’t look too good at Spurs and looked even more shabby against Stoke. This can’t continue, and at home Wenger will have the troops on their best behaviour. Man Utd aren’t travelling to London to see the sights, they’re after the three points. Both forces should cancel each other out, and we’re looking at a low scoring draw. Result: Draw (Arsenal 1-1 Man Utd) @ 23/10

Hull v Bolton

Hull didn’t do too bad at Man Utd on the weekend, although some would say they caught Utd during a short lapse in concentration. On a couple of occasions, they’ve been found out at home (anyone remember Wigan’s five goals past them in August?). Do Bolton have the abilty to do Hull at home? Probably not. Bolton have only won one of their five away games this season, and I doubt this’ll be their second. Result: Home Win (Hull 2-0 Bolton) @ 11/10

Liverpool v West Brom

It’s not looking good for the Baggies. Having conceeded 9 goals in their last three games and having scored a staggering two goals away from home this season, it’s difficult to see where the goals will come from, nor how they’re going to keep them out. An early Christmas present here for Liverpool fans. Result: Home Win (Liverpool 3-0 West Brom) @ 1/5 (for value, I’d go for the correct score, at 6/1)

Sunderland v Portsmouth

Big Tony is running the show now at Fratton Park, and still looking for his first win. Sunderland seem to be having trouble working out where the ball is supposed to go, as they’ve only managed to score 9 goals all season (the only team who have scored less is Fulham). Let’s hope they picked up some tips from Chelsea after being shredded 5-0. Result: Draw (Sunderland 1-1 Portsmouth) @ 12/5

West Ham v Everton

Oddly, West Ham and Everton have the exact same points, and have scored and conceded an identical number of goals. You’d say draw based on that, but Everton aren’t too shabby away from home. West Ham’s last two home games have ended up with them on the receiving end of defeat, one of those thanks to Bolton. Result: Away Win (West Ham 1-2 Everton) @ 9/5

Wigan v Stoke

Super Emile ended Wigan’s four match point drought last week with a last minute goal against Portsmouth. Whether this continues is anyone’s guess. Wigan have conceded a decent number of goals this season, and given the fact that, on a bad day, Rory Delap could land it dangerously in the penalty area from the top of Snowdonia, there’s a good chance they could break the Wigan defence. Result: Draw (Wigan 1-1 Stoke) @ 5/2

Aston Villa v Middlesborough

Villa found themselves on the end of an unexpected defeat at the hands of Newcastle earlier in the week. Martin O’Neill won’t be happy about that. Although things are picking up at Boro since their 5-0 defeat at the hands of Chelsea, I reckon Villa will be on fire this weekend. Result: Home Win (Villa 2-0 Boro) @ 8/13

Blackburn v Chelsea

Are we even having this discussion? Blackburn almost got done by West Brom, and now face the team who have scored more goals than Diego Maradona has had pies. It’s 27, at the last count. Goals, not pies. Result: Away Win (Blackburn 0-3 Chelsea) @ 4/9

Fulham v Newcastle

Newcastle managed to grab some unexpected points from Villa in the week, with Shay Given saying that Joe Kinnear has re-installed the faith for the Magpies. Sounds sensible; since he’s been at the club, they’ve lost only one of their last five games. In contrast, Fulham have only won one of their last six. Result: Away Win (Fulham 1-2 Newcastle) @ 21/10

Man City v Tottenham

Things are looking better for Spurs at the moment. With Man City’s home form looking relatively decent (bar two defeats from Liverpool and Chelsea), I don’t think things are that good for Spurs, yet. Result: Home Win (Man City 2-0 Spurs) @ 6/5

Weekend Treble

Arsenal Draw, Newcastle Win, Man City Win