As usual, we have a few rules. First of all, they have to have been a musician or singer first and foremost, with an established career as such. There has to have been some element of risk to their careers. Minnie Driver was an unknown singer, who became a well known actress, who went back to being a singer. That doesn’t count. The same applies to Will Smith, Jennifer Lopez and anyone else who dabbled in both acting and music.

Secondly, they have to actually be playing a role- as good as Bruce Springsteen’s cameo in High Fidelity is, it is just a cameo, and he doesn’t do any acting.

Finally, they can’t just be playing themselves. Eminem was great in 8 Mile, but it wasn’t a massive stretch for him to play a white rapper from Detroit. Keith Richards was cool as Jack Sparrow Snr, but it wasn’t really a flexing of his acting muscles. This also rules out a lot of people who play extensions of themselves in musicals- your Streisand and Minelli. It has to involve acting.

Chris Isaak - Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992)

Chris Isaak

When Kyle MacLachlan’s disagreement with David Lynch limited the appearance of Twin Peaks hero, Dale Cooper, Lynch needed an able replacement. As the film was about the days leading up to the murder of Laura Palmer, he was able to tell the story of another Special Agent, investigating the strange goings on of the town. Chris Isaak had already worked with Lynch by this time, soundtracking the vastly under-rated Wild At Heart, but it was his first lead acting role (he had a small part in Silence of the Lambs prior to this). Isaak’s Special Agent Chester Desmond was less quirky than Dale Cooper had been (as the film was in general), but it gave another level of disturbance to the series when Desmond investigates the murder of Teresa Banks- a case which mirrors that of Laura Palmer. Reaction to this film was mixed, it was famously booed at Cannes, while Mark Kermode claims it is “Lynch’s masterpiece”. Part of the problem was that it was viewed as a prequel to the TV series, when it was simply intended to enrich and deepen our understanding of the events of the series. Isaak’s character was a welcome addition.

Madonna - Evita (1996)

Madonna

It could be argued that Madonna should fall foul of our Rule 3 here, as she didn’t so much play Eva Peron, as Madonna playing Eva Peron. Certainly, there were critics who suggested it was a “role she was born to play”, but that should not take away from her performance. Madonna led the line in a film full of good performances (especially Jonathan Pryce’s Juan Peron). It is far too easy to mock Madonna’s career in films, so we will get it over with quickly- Swept Away, Body of Evidence, Dick Tracy, The Next Best Thing, Dangerous Game, and one of the worst cameos ever, ever, ever in Die Another Day. But now that we have that out of our system, we need to remember that she was in A League of their Own and Desperately Seeking Susan. Taken on their own merits (ie- don’t expect high art), these are fine performances.

Frank Sinatra - The Man With The Golden Arm (1955)

Sinatra at his best

Equally, From Here To Eternity could be in this list, as it was almost single handedly responsible for giving Sinatra a career in the 1950’s. The Man With The Golden Arm required a little bit more acting, and was a considerably more brave role for Sinatra. The film itself was a watershed, as it was the first time that a mainstream American film had depicted narcotic addiction. To give the best possible performance, Sinatra had spent time at a rehab clinic for Heroin addicts. The result is a dark and edgy film, that features contributions from some of the all times greats of cinema - a Saul Bass opening credit, an Elmer Bernstein soundtrack, Kim Novak in full flight. It is a huge credit to Sinatra that he is the best thing about the film.

Meat Loaf - Fight Club (1999)

Meat Loaf

Meat Loaf had flirted with film on several occasions- notably as Eddie in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and less notably in Spice World. As “The Martyr” Robert Paulson, we forgot that he was Meat Loaf. No longer was he bringing his personality to the screen with him, he was acting. To prove this point, how many of you started this paragraph by saying “oh yeah, I forgot Meat Loaf was in Fight Club”? All together now, his name was Robert Paulson. His name was Robert Paulson. His name was…

David Bowie - The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)

Bowie

Few musicians have had the acting success that Bowie has managed, and in truth he could be in this list more than once- roles in Labyrinth, Absolute Beginners, Basquiat, Twin Peaks, The Man Who Fell To Earth and The Prestige are all worth noting. His role as Pontius Pilate in The Last Temptation of Christ is arguably his finest, as he almost flirts with Willem Defoe’s Jesus. Any of the mentioned films could have been on this list, but how many musicians get the Martin Scorsese seal of approval?

Courtney Love - The People vs Larry Flynt (1997)

The People Versus Larry Flynt

Like her or loathe her, Courtney Love has survived in the entertainment industry for almost 20 years. Personally, I am quite a fan of her work with Hole, and her work as an actress. With Hole, she was always a Pop Star with real Rock attitude. And it always reeked of sexist to me, that she was so vilified, when people like Sid Vicious are seen as Rock Martyrs. In this film, she played Althea Flynt, the lifelong love of Woody Harrelson’s eponymous hero. Harrelson was nominated for an Oscar for his role in this, and it is all credit to Love that her performance is just as strong as his. If her acting work was taken on its’ own, she would have an impressive CV. As well as this film, she has put in impressive turns in Man on the Moon, 200 Cigarettes and Julie Johnson. If we didn’t know about her career in music, or her famous marriage, then she might well be lauded as one of the great female character actors.

Elvis Pressley - Wild In the Country (1961)

Elvis

This might be a hugely controvertial statement, but the majority of Elvis films are very bad. The music in them was great, but they are almost all elongated music videos (before the term was coined). Wild In the Country is different, as Elvis plays Glenn Tyler, a depressed, violent and troubled man who discovers he has a gift for writing. The difference between this film and some of the other Pressley vehicles, is that the songs are not the star. Elvis gives a genuinely edgy performance. The songs in this film are far from Elvis favourites (I Slipped, I Stumbled, I Fell and In My Way being the most recognisable), and only serve to enhance the story, rather than carry it. Elvis was never this edgy in a film again.

Nick Cave - Ghosts… of the Civil Dead (1988)

Nick Cave (may be a bit disturbing)

John Hillcoat’s feature debut was written and soundtracked by Nick Cave, and so it was of little surprise that Cave would play a significant part in the film. What is surprising is just how convincing (and disturbing) Cave is as Maynard, the psychotic new inmate of a maximum security prison. Maynard could well be a character from his Murder Ballads album, but it was in this film we discovered that Cave could actually push himself over the edge and become one of his creations.

Tom Waits - Down By Law (1986)

Tom Waits

Jim Jarmusch has never been worried about casting musicians as actors, having used Iggy Pop and GZA in his films. Arguably the most impressive perfomance of all was by Tom Waits in Down By Law. I only saw this film the other day, and I couldn’t believe that it was the same Tom Waits, he is that impressive as an actor. The film centres around three men who are incarcerated despite their innocence. They have to quickly learn to trust each other, so they can escape, despite obviously aggrivating each other. Waits’ performance makes me wonder why he hasn’t had more starring roles.

Kris Kristofferson - Lone Star (1996)

Lone Star

While Chris Cooper is the lead actor in this Western Thriller, Kris Kristofferson plays the murdered Sheriff Charlie Wade. The film was to rejuvinate Kristofferson’s career, and would lead to his roles in the Blade Trilogy, as well as films such as Planet of the Apes and Payback.

RZA - American Gangster (2007)

American Gangster

Initially I wanted to put Method Man in this list, because he is fantastic as “Cheese” Wagstaff in The Wire. But I decided that TV was cheating, and even though I loved the character, the list must be right! Of all the Wu-Tang acting roles, RZA has featured in the best films- Ghost Dog, Derailed and as himself in Coffee and Cigarettes. His best acting role was definitely in American Gangster, where he played Moses Jones, a detective working with Detective Roberts (Russel Crowe). RZA initially auditioned for the role of Jimmy Zee, but impressed Ridley Scott sufficiently to get the part of Jones.

Have we missed anyone? Let us know.

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Processes creep, and become increasingly complicated and subtle.  It is human nature to refine and optimise anything you do frequently.  The person who performs a process, or part of a process, is unlikely to even be aware of all the things that they do, and quite unlikely to be able to document them or communicate them to others.  This is especially true of processes with several points where you do X every time.  Oh, yes, unless Y, which happens sometimes, in which case you do Z.  But only on a month with 5 Fridays.

What made me think about this?  Apart from presiding over a variety of processes being passed from one person to another recently at work, I had an experience which brought this home to me in a surprising way.

As anyone who knows me knows, I like a good gin and tonic.  The emphasis here is on ‘good’ though, as there are few drinks worse than a warm can of tonic water served alongside a glass with a lone ice-cube and some nasty generic gin, as many pubs seem to think gin and tonics are served.  There are few places that serve a good G & T, with the exception of good restaurants and cocktail bars.  There is one pub in Cambridge that does a good one, and deserves a mention: The Vine. They have a great selection of gin (not cold unfortunately) and Fever Tree tonic (more on that later).

I like to think I make a good G & T.  Personal preferences aside, which I try to take account of, I take care to make the best G & Ts that I can for guests at home.  Recently, for a friend, I wrote out how I make my G & Ts.  I thought that the less-than-five-minute process would take me a paragraph, a couple of hundred words to communicate.  I was very wrong.  1,200 words later I had explained how I make a G & T.  I’ve probably even not remembered everything.  Take heed, simple things are often not simple!

The destructions for anyone interested:

Gin & Tonic (the way they all should be)

Ingredients

Ice:
Use disposable ice-bags to ensure that the ice doesn’t pick up any flavour from the freezer; open ice-trays are bad for this.

Tonic:
SHOCK FIND Schweppes Indian Tonic, the non-low fat kind, nevertheless has artificial sweetener in it, sodium saccharin. (so does Britvic) Avoid avoid avoid.  Needless to say NEVER use diet tonic. Unless you are making G & Ts for a diabetic.  That’s allowed.  So what tonics can you use?  The best tonic that I know of is ‘Fever Tree Tonic Water’ available online and in Waitrose. Some supermarket own-brands, e.g. ASDA Extra Special tonic also contain no artificial sweeteners, and are good substitutes for Fever Tree.  If possible, buy tonic in the small bottles or cans.  Tonic goes flat VERY quickly.  If you are using a large bottle, make enough G & T to use up the bottle in each round of drinks, and if you don’t quite make it, discard the rest, the next batch made with flat tonic will be horrible if you don’t. 

Gin:
Other than buying Gin at least 43% so as to avoid it freezing, this comes down to personal preference.   I would suggest that anyone serious about G & T should organise a blind taste test to get a side-by-side unprejudiced opinion.  My taste tests leave me quite open-minded, the differences are more in the mind than in the drink.  Nevertheless, I do have a soft spot for Tanqueray No. 10, although I suspect that I notice it more in other gin-based cocktails than I do in a G & T.

Lemon & Limes:
Yes, both.  Not essential to have both, but a good touch if you can.  How much you use of each, and which you choose to garnish is up to personal taste, but either way, buy good ones (Marks and Spencer do good ones; thanks Felix!) and keep away from ‘value bags’ etc.  Buy lots, you’ll get through about 1 per G & T you make.

G & T glasses:
I would use what is often referred to as a high-ball glass, i.e. a glass for a long drink, tall and slim.  The best are crystal (this is because they have more glass in them, and keep their cool better, not just to be posh) and have a crisp almost sharp brim.  Any long drink glass will do though, and I’d even suggest using pint glasses before resorting to a small glass.


Pre-Preparation in order of importance (the more items down this list you can get lined up in advance, the better your G & T will be)

• Gin in the freezer for a few days, freezer on coldest setting. The exception about the freezer setting is if you only have 40% gin, in which case medium freezer setting is the best you can do, or you’ll freeze it.
• Ice, lots of it, as cold as can be, pref. in freezer on coldest setting.
• Tonic in the coldest fridge you can live with, so about 2c works well.
• Lemons and limes in coldest fridge…
• G & T glasses in the freezer (the least important, but if you are going for perfection…)

Preparation

Only take out the ingredients as you need them, the longer they stay cold the better.  As soon as you have finished using an ingredient, put it straight back in the fridge or freezer ready for the next round of G & Ts.  Never let anything sit on a warm counter for any longer than necessary. Work quickly, keep things as cold as possible.

• Get a chopping board and a knife (big sharp one, no messing around with paring knifes please) ready on your counter top.
• Arrange your (hopefully) cold glasses in a line behind it.
• Get the gin from the freezer and pour a good measure into each glass.  How much is about taste.  I like my G & Ts about 1:2 gin to tonic, but there is no shame in liking them weaker, and I often make a round of G & Ts to different strengths for each drinker.  I’d rather someone with less resistance to alcohol had less gin and could join me for several rounds than over-face them with the first.  If you make it too strong, or too weak, don’t be afraid to adjust at the end, or after a few sips have been drunk.
• Then put the ice in the glass. I would usually keep putting ice in a glass until the top of the top cube sits about 2/3 up the height of the glass.  This is often 8 cubes or more, so make sure you have lots of ice!
• Next comes the lemons and limes.  If you are expecting to do several G & Ts of an evening, you can squeeze these in advance, just make sure the squeezed juice goes straight back into the fridge.  The best way to use lemons and limes, in my opinion, is a G & T with both.  Why?  Lime has more aroma, and more citrus-y flavour, but is sweet in comparison to a lemon and far less acidic.  Half and half gets the best of both.  I would use between 1/2 and 1 lemon or lime per drink.  So, if you are mixing lemons and limes, that’s between 1/4 of each and 1/2 of each.  Squeeze the juice over the ice.  Getting some flesh from the fruit in the glass is a good thing.  Retain some of the spent lemons and limes.
• Top up the glasses with tonic.  I pour quite vigorously. This is because I do not mix the drinks at a later stage.  An imbalance in the drink so that it gets a bit stronger as you drink it is generally a good thing.
• Garnish with lemon or lime.  If someone prefers lime in their tonic, garnish with lime, etc. but still use the mix of both in the drink earlier.  With the garnish, be creative, the more you can create interesting shapes, the more you have exposed the flesh of the lime or lemon, and the more it will give off a scent.  Scent is important.
• Take one of the spent lemons or limes, whichever of lemon and lime you have used for a garnish, and rub some around the rim of the glass.  Try to get the skin squashed against the glass so that the oils which have more fragrance get left on the rim, where they will remain and add a fantastic scent to the drink throughout the duration of it being drunk.
• Finally, squeeze a few drops from some of the spent limes or lemons (use whichever you used for the garnish)  on to the surface of the drink.  i.e. squeeze from a low height and don’t disturb the drink.  This is another scent tool.
• If you like, you can take a straw, immerse it in the drink, cap the exposed end with your thumb, remove, and take your thumb off to taste the drink.  Edit the drinks if necessary.  It’s important to know what you are making so that you can fine-tune it next time, or if really bad, discard and start again.

They are now ready to serve, enjoy!

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Aberdeen

How did they do last season:- A good end to the season ensured that The Dons finished in 4th, however they were always playing catch-up. An impressive run in the UEFA Cup took its’ toll on the league form, and while two cup semi finals may be viewed as a good season, the loss to Queen of the South cost them European Football, and their best chance of silverware in years. A mixed season.

New signings:- Gary McDonald (Oldham), Mark Kerr (Dundee United), Bertrand Bossu (Unattached), Sammy Stewart (Glenavon), Charlie Mulgrew (Wolves), Tommy Wright (Darlington - medical pending)

More to come?:- Linked with Adam Hammell on loan from Liverpool. A defender may yet be brought in, and Calderwood has yet to hear whether he will be allowed to take Sone Aluko (Birmingham) or Josh Walker (Middlesbrough) back on loan.

What will shape their season:- Calderwood’s plan to move captain Scott Severin into the defence could be the pivotal decision of their season. Severin has the ability to dominate games in the centre of the park, and is not a natural centre back. However, his organisational skills could mean he forms a solid partnership with more natural defenders such as Zander Diamond or Andrew Considine. If the decision works, Aberdeen could have a very good season, if it doesn’t then the decision not to sign a centre back will be scrutinised.

Key player:- Jamie Smith. Few players outside the Old Firm possess the ability to change a game on their own, the way Jamie Smith can. Last year he was dogged by injury, and couldn’t ever get his season started. With a full pre-season of training under his belt, Aberdeen fans will be hoping he can get more games.

Celtic

How did they do last season:- As well as they have in the past three seasons. Despite a poor run of form in the wake of their Champions League exit, Celtic put a fantastic run of results together in the closing months, to give Gordon Strachan his third title in as many years. Another good run in the Champions League showed just how much Celtic are improving in Europe.

New signings:- Pat McCourt (Derry City), Giorgios Samaras (Man City), Matty Hughes (Rochdale)

More to come?:- Linked to Nathan Dyer of Southampton, and both Marc Crossas and Jeffren Suarez of Barcelona.

What will shape their season:- Finding a regular partner for Scott McDonald. While retaining the SPL is the main priority for Celtic, they will be looking at going one stage further in the Champions League. Over the past two years they have got through the groups, and just come up short against some very good sides. Strachan has tried Venegoor of Hesselink, Samaras, Riordan and Zurawski with McDonald, but none have made the second striker position their own.

Key player:- Barry Robson. Robson’s improving form towards the end of the season co-incided with Celtic’s late title resurgance. His workrate in the centre of the pitch, not to mention his goals, have meant that higher profile players have been left on the bench.

Dundee United

How did they do last season:- Dundee United were one controvertial penalty decision away from winning the League Cup, and were it not for some poor form in the Top 6, they could have pushed Motherwell for the UEFA Cup place. Levein has managed to turn a team of huge underachievers to a difficult side to beat very quickly.

New signings:- Scott Robertson (Dundee), Michael McGovern (Celtic), Andis Shala (Mannheim), Paul Dixon (Dundee), Willo Flood (Cardiff - Loan), Warren Feeney (Cardiff - Loan), Francisco Sandaza (Valencia Mestalla)

More to come?:- United have been linked to Lee Hughes, and are one of several clubs linked to Rangers’ Alan Gow.

What will shape their season:- How they manage to replace Noel Hunt. Dundee United noticably faded when they lost Barry Robson to Celtic, but still had enough in their midfield to take them to a 5th place finish. Having lost the work rate of Mark Kerr to Aberdeen, United can’t afford to let the loss of Noel Hunt affect them too much. Not only did Hunt provide goals - both Warren Feeney and Francisco Sandaza can replace them - but he was a striker that didn’t ever give defenders any peace. Maintaining that workrate will decide where United finish.

Key player:- Craig Levein uncovered a real talent when he signed 21 year old Danny Swanson from Berwick Rangers. Swanson scored twice in his ten league appearances for United, and his trickery quickly won the fans over. If he can stay clear of injury then he could have a very good season.

Falkirk

How did they do last season:- Falkirk had an excellent season last year, and were one game from finishing in the Top 6. Their youth policy has to be admired, and they finally started getting results to match their attractive football.

New signings:- Jackie McNamara (Aberdeen), Dermot McCaffrey (Hibernian), Lee Bullen (Sheffield Wednesday), Neil McCann (Hearts), Eric Schultz-Eklund (Gretna), Burton O’Brien (Sheffield Wednesday), Ashley Young (Bury).

More to come?:- Falkirk are favourites to sign former Dundee and Aberdeen striker Steve Lovell.

What will shape their season:- Can they mix their youth with their experience? John Hughes has been very shrewd in the transfer market, and managed to acquire several players with experience. Lee Bullen and Burton O’Brien have experience of the SPL, and will add steel and some class respectively. There are doubts over McNamara and McCann, who struggled with injury and form at Aberdeen and at Hearts. If these players can bed in to an already solid Falkirk side, they could challenge for UEFA Cup football.

Key player:-Darren Barr was the star of last season, and brought admirers from North and South of the Border. But the real coup of the season could be the signing of Burton O’Brien. In his previous spell in the Premier League (with Livingston), O’Brien was instrumental in helping the side win the 2004 League Cup. He provides a cool head, and invaluable goals from midfield.

Hamilton

How did they do last season:- Winners of the First Division. Despite initially appearing to run away with the Division One title, Hamilton were made to work for their title, eventually winning it by seven points from Dundee. Proved that they can mix it with Premier League sides with their displays in the cups.

New signings:- Sean Murdoch (Dunfermline), Marc Corcoran (St Mirren), Derek Lyle (Dundee), Lucas Akins (Huddersfield Town)

More to come?:- Billy Reid has said he wants to sign five players before the start of the season. Finnish winger Sebastian Sorsa is currently on trial.

What will shape their season:- As with every side who are newly promoted, it is important that they keep their momentum going in the early weeks of the season. Hamilton have proved that they can score goals, and conceded just three goals at home all of last season. Hamilton are a difficult side to beat, and they will need to keep it that way.

Key player:- James McCarthy has won the plaudits (and rightly so for an 18 year old), but it is Scotland Under 21, James McArthur that makes them tick. He has already captained the side (aged 20), and is going to have to raise his game again this season.

Hearts

How did they do last season:- Hearts were the big underachievers last season. Confusion over the role of manager Steven Frail meant that there was no leadership on or off the pitch. Hearts’ season went from bad to worse, as they failed to make the Top 6, and were then beaten by a Gretna side which was almost entirely made up of youth players. Finished the season in 8th.

New signings:- None. Yet.

More to come?:- Hearts have been linked with taking Derek Riordan back to Edinburgh. There will almost certainly be new signings, and depending on the outcome of Rangers’ Champions League qualifier, don’t be surprised if they arrive from Kaunas.

What will shape their season:- Hearts have been on the brink of disaster constantly for the past three years. If Vladamir Romanov lets his new manager, Csasba Laszio, get on with his job then the prospects of Hearts’ having a good season increase. Hearts have the potential to split the Old Firm if they can all pull in the same direction, and they can make the standard of signings they suggest they will. At the same time, they could easily see a repeat of last season (or worse) if the dressing room is as divided as it has been.

Key player:- Laryea Kingston is one of the best central midfielders in Scotland. Although he has had problems with discipline, he is one of very few genuine box to box midfielders in the SPL. He tackles well, has the ability to beat a player, and weighs in with goals. How long Hearts will be able to hold on to him is another matter.

Hibernian

How did they do last season:- After looking like they could challenge for a UEFA Cup place, Hibs’ season went badly wrong in the closing stages. Hibs have won plaudits in recent seasons for the way they play, and the production line of young talent they have coming through the ranks. With that has come inconsistency, and last season was as good an example as ever as they ended the season 6th.

New signings:- David Van Zanten (St Mirren), Steven Thicot (Nantes), Joe Keenan (Melbourne Victory)

More to come?:- Could make a move for Alan Gow. Hibs have also been linked to Steve Lovell and are yet to make a decision on Fabian Yantorno.

What will shape their season:- Consistency. Hibs are capable of beating any side in Scotland on their day. When they are at their best, they pour forward in numbers, and are capable of sweeping away their opposition. When they don’t play, they have a habit of losing their discipline and matches they should otherwise win. Finding a goalkeeper they can rely on has been the task of Hibs managers for years, and this summer is no different.

Key player:- Brian Kerr will be important, not least as Hibs have lost Guilleume Beuzelin - the unsung hero of their midfield - to Coventry. Steven Fletcher will continue to be amongst the goals, as long Real Madrid don’t come calling. The real key to their season could lie with whoever they sign to fill the goalkeepers’ position. Goalkeepers have cost Hibs dearly in the past few seasons, and a solid ‘keeper could fill the rest of the side with confidence.

Inverness Caledonian

How did they do last season:- A fairly forgetable season for Caley meant that they finished in 9th position. A failure to score goals was their main downfall, as their home form was actually faily good. As with previous seasons, wins away from Inverness have been hard to come by.

New signings:- Andrew Barrowman (Ross County), Lionel Dejbi-Zadi (SC Verl), Ryan Esson (Hereford)

More to come?:- Caley have made moves to sign Calum Elliot from Hearts, and have Republic of Ireland under 21 Adam Rooney on trial.

What will shape their season:- Finding a regular goalscorer. Marius Niculae has been sold on to raise valuable funds, and club record goalscorer Dennis Wyness has moved on to St Mirren. Even Graham Bayne, who has always been capable of game winning goals, has moved on to Dunfermline. Caley are going to need to replace these goals, or it will be a very long season for them.

Key player:-Don Cowie was in fine form last season, scoring 9 goals. His form attracted the attention of several other SPL clubs, and there are reports that this has unsettled the midfielder. He has a new contract on the table at Caledonian Stadium, and their fans will be hoping he signs it.

Kilmarnock

How did they do last season:- Killie finished 11th last season, and had

New signings:- Allan Russell (Airdrie), Gavin Skelton (Gretna), Connor Sammon (Derry)

More to come?:- Jim Jeffries has indicated that he still wants to bring in another striker. Kilmarnock have been in negotiations to sign Peter Thompson from Linfield for most of the summer.

What will shape their season:- Kilmarnock have sold their top scorer for each of the past three seasons, letting Kris Boyd and Steven Naismith go to Rangers, and Colin Nish go to Hearts. Killie let Paul Di Giacomo and Gary Wales leave the club, and so a striker is a real priority.

Key player:-David Fernandez is the only recognised SPL striker at Kilmarnock, and they are going to have to rely on the veteran again this season. Keeping him fit will go a long way to keeping Kilmarnock in the SPL.

Motherwell

How did they do last season:- A fantastic season for Mark McGhee’s side. McGhee took the same side which had flirted with relegation a year previously, and turned them into a side which were capable of beating any side in the SPL. Their third place finish was well deserved, and were it not for the tragic death of captain Phil O’Donnell they might have pushed the Old Firm a little closer. Form after this event was understandably poorer, but they were still easily the third best side in Scotland last season.

New signings:- Bob Malcolm (Unattached)

More to come?:- Jim O’Brien could be added to the squad from Celtic, while the club could yet make Simon Lappin’s loan move permenant, and sign trialists Souleymane Mamam and Seyfo Soley.

What will shape their season:- Coping with the expectation of being a Top Six side can be difficult for sides which have been used to scrapping at the bottom of the table. McGhee also has had problems with players discipline. With extra UEFA Cup games to come, adding to the squad will be necessary, and they will need to replace Ross McCormack- such an important player last season. Transfer targets have been ambitious, and Motherwell could well build on last season.

Key player:- Stephen Hughes joined Motherwell from Leicester a year ago, and was vital at the heart of Motherwell’s midfield. The workrate and guile of Hughes allowed the players around him to get forward. McGhee plays an ambitious 4-3-3 formation, and it is the men in the middle of the park who make this possible.

Rangers

How did they do last season:- Rarely will a side which finishes with two domestic trophies, and as runners up in both UEFA Cup and League be disappointed with their season. Competing on all four fronts took its toll on the squad, and allowed Celtic back into the League. Rangers are unlikely to compete on all four fronts to the same extent, but stopping Celtic from winning a 4th title will be the priority.

New signings:- Madjid Bougherra (Charlton), Andy Webster (Wigan), Kenny Miller (Derby), Andrius Velicka (Viking FK), Kyle Lafferty (Burnley),

More to come?:- Walter Smith is still hoping to add a centre back to his side, with bids for Glen Loovens and Dickson Etuhu. The transfer of Steven Davis from Fulham looks to be dead.

What will shape their season:- Barry Ferguson will miss at least a couple of months of the season, and how Rangers cope with that will go much of the way to deciding how they will finish. The 0-0 draw with Kaunas was far from impressive, and a 4-0 friendly defeat to Liverpool will not inspire confidence in a side which sorely missed their captain. Someone will need to take on the captain’s role in his abscence.

Key player:-With Ferguson out, Rangers commanding defenders will be even more important. David Weir isn’t the youngest member of the squad, but his partnership with Carlos Cueller (who looks likely to stay at Rangers) will again be the basis around which the team is built.

St Mirren

How did they do last season:- A poor season saw St Mirren in relegation trouble until Gretna went into administration. No side scored as few goals as St Mirren, and Gus McPherson’s side will need to improve significantly if they want to survive this year.

New signings:- Steven Robb (Dundee United), Jack Ross (Falkirk), Tom Brighton (Milwall), Dennis Wyness (Inverness Caledonian Thistle)

More to come?:-Gus McPherson has said he wants to strengthen his side ahead of the new season, but there has been little movement in the transfer market.

What will shape their season:- Scoring goals. St Mirren scored just 9 goals away from home last season, and only 17 at home. Dennis Wyness should help them improve on that tally.

Key player:- Andy Dorman was one of the few bright spots from last season, and there were fears from fans that other clubs would take an interest. The Welshman was brought in from New England Revolution in January, and was an ever present in the side, scoring three goals. He is likely to improve on that this season.

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As ever, there are a few provisos. 1. We didn’t include autobiographies, because there are a good few boring biographies that have made decent films (so no Raging Bull). 2. We didn’t include short stories- so no Shawshank Redemption or Total Recall/We Can Remember It For You Wholesale- because they weren’t full books. 3. Finally, there are a lot of really bad books, that made slightly better films (a lot of Stephen King/Michael Crichton in there), and really great books that were really great on screen (LA Confidential, Blade Runner, Fight Club, Apocalypse Now, Rum Punch). They were out as well. Simple rule is… film = good, book = not good.

The Godfather (Francis Ford Coppola - 1972) based on the book by Mario Puzo (1969)

Puzo’s Godfather was the bones on which Coppola fleshed out his masterpiece. Puzo’s book covers the same themes as the film - family, destiny and the American Way - but only scratches the surface. Coppola’s version added colour, and made each individual character standout. This may be one occasion when the relative shallowness of the book was beneficial to the film.

The Godfather

Psycho (Alfred Hitchcock - 1960) based on the book by Robert Bloch (1959)

Robert Bloch’s pulp thriller was loosely based on the account of Ed Gein’s murders in Wisconsin, two years before the book was published. Hitchcock bought the rights to the book for just $9,000 and intended to use it to reclaim his title as the King of Suspense. As amazing as it seems now, his previous work, Vertigo, had been critically panned and failed at the box office, while other film makers - Roger Corman, Robert Siodmak, William Castle - had success with films in the same genre. Bloch’s book was entertaining but trashy, while Hitchcock’s film redefined at least three different genres, and took the technical capabilities of films to new levels (even the soundtrack and the credits are revolutionary). At the time of the films’ release, Hitchcock was so keen to keep the film’s ending secret that he was alleged to have bought all copies of Bloch’s book he could find.

Psycho titles

Jurassic Park (Steven Speilberg - 1993) based on the book by Michael Crichton (1990)

As with Carrie, Crichton’s Jurassic Park wasn’t “bad”, it just wasn’t very good. Speilberg condensed it, and improved the characterisation and pacing considerably.

That Scene, in Jurassic Park

The French Connection (William Friedkin - 1971) based on the book by Robin Moore (1969)

Moore’s factual account of the French Connection drug trafficing features some interesting anecdotes, but is ultimately a fairly dry account by standards of other crime writers. Friedkin’s star was in the ascendency, and his dramaticised version of events were far more entertaining. The film also includes one of the most exciting car chases in cinema. The book doesn’t.

The Chase in The French Connection

Shoot the Pianist (Francois Truffaut - 1960) based on the book “Down There” by David Goodis (1956)

Truffaut’s Shoot the Pianist is just one of his many masterpieces, and as good an example of French New Wave as you are likely to find. It is surprising to learn that the film is actually based on an American Noir (rather than French Noir!) book by David Goodis. Several of Goodis’ works are well worth reading- especially Dark Passage- but this isn’t one of them.

Classic French Noir

Carrie (Brian De Palma - 1976) based on the book by Stephen King (1974)

It might be a little harsh to put Stephen King’s fourth novel on this list, as it isn’t a bad book. It isn’t an especially good book either, and King has certainly written better. Brian De Palma took quite a few liberties with characters and storyline when he remade the book for the screen, most notably in his far improved ending, which would not have been possible to achieve in print. The end result is a much more tense, and far more slick result.

Carrie

Jaws (Steven Speilberg - 1975) based on the book by Peter Benchley (1974)

Speilberg invented the summer blockbuster with Jaws, although it was based on a considerably less famous book. Benchley’s book had to be re-written by publishers on submission, and even Speilberg would claim that the characters were so dislikeable that he wanted the shark to win. Speilberg’s version was frought with problems- not least the mechanical shark that he wanted to use. Eventually he hit upon the solution that would make the film such a success- it’s not what you see that scares you, it’s what you can’t see… The film made almost half a billion dollars worldwide, and was the blueprint for every summer release from then on.

Jaws

Dr Strangelove (Stanley Kubrick - 1964) based on “Red Alert” by Peter George (1958)

Red Alert was a paranoid thriller which warned of the ease of nuclear holocaust with a stony coldness. When Kubrick remade the book for the screen, he decided to make it as an absurd black comedy. The real genius of this was that he actually succeeded in making the Anti-Nuclear message even more powerful than it had been on the page.

Dr Strangelove

Goldfinger (Guy Hamilton - 1964) based on the book by Ian Fleming (1959)

This might seem like sacrilege, but the Ian Fleming book of Goldfinger isn’t very good. Casino Royale, now that is a good Bond book, but Goldfinger seems to be responsible for all the “Austin Powers” bits in Flemings’ work. Lesbian gangs? Check. Lesbian circus performers? Check. Amazonian lesbian acrobats? Check. The film leaves out all of the parts that would push it into parody, and it is still the Best Bond. Bond’s scenes with Pussy Galore are still ridiculous, but they are fun.

Goldfinger

Big Fish (Tim Burton - 2003) based on the book by Daniel Wallace (1999)

Again, this might be unfair, as Daniel Wallace’s book isn’t bad. It isn’t anywhere near as good as the film version by Tim Burton. Burton managed to mix his trademark love of the strange with a genuinely affectionate story about family. While the book was about detective work, and finding out who Edward Bloom’s father really was through the tall tales he told, the film took far more joy in each of the stories it told.

Big Fish

Starship Troopers (Paul Verhoeven - 1997) based on the book by Robert Heinlein (1959)

Heinlein’s book was heavily criticised for its glamourisation of war, its pro-military stance and even the possibility that it was sympathetic to fascism. Paul Verhoeven used all of these criticisms as the basis of his version when he created it in 1997 as an attack on human “Manifest Destiny”. Verhoeven’s version of Earth is obviously fascist, and the film makes a point of overtly “glamouring” the military, but with the same form of self mocking, tongue in cheek that he managed in Total Recall and Robocop. Rather than being a book about how war was necessary, it became a critique of any form of sabre rattling.

Starship Troopers

So, what have we learned from this? The lesson is that if you want to make a great film out of a bad book, you will need to hire the services of one of the finest directors ever. Or Paul Verhoeven.

Anything we have missed? Let us know…

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We decided to put a list of the characters that really darken the screen. There were a few rules- 1. They had to be fictional characters, 2. They had to be 100% human people, and 3. You had to actually be scared of them - no characters you secretly like (so that rules out scary heroes and Hannibal Lecter).

Some spoiler warnings ahead. So don’t read them if you haven’t seen the film (and definitely don’t open the videos!). And don’t watch them if you are squeamish or don’t want any bad language.

Dennis Hopper (as Frank Booth) - Blue Velvet (1986)

Few people do scary quite like David Lynch, and although Bob (Twin Peaks) and The Mystery Man (Lost Highway) might have made this list, it is Dennis Hopper’s Frank that is arguably the nastiest of them all. Frank is a gangster, who’s interests include murder, torture, rape, drug dealing, sadomasochism and Roy Orbison. Hopper has played some dark characters in his time, but none are quite as evil as Frank.

Frank Booth

Javier Bardem (as Anton Chigurh) - No Country for Old Men (2007)

Bardem won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of the relentless hitman, Anton Chigurh, in the Coen Brothers most recent thriller. Chigurh has an (almost?) unflinching lack of emotion, and every time he is on screen bad things happen. The Coen’s have had their “Devil” characters before, notably in Barton Fink, Fargo and The Hudsucker Proxy. It is an incredible performance from Bardem, but one which you don’t necessarily want to see any more of - the highest kind of accolade.

Anton Chigurh

Christopher Walken (as The Man With The Plan)/ Steve Buscemi (as Mr Shhhh)  - Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead (1995)

This might count as cheating, as it is a 2 for 1, but they are essentially the same villain. This might not be the best film on the list, but Walken is absolutely terrifying in it. He has played plenty of bad  guys in his time, but most of them fall foul of our Rule 3 (especially his turn in True Romance). The Man With the Plan is concise, sinister and completely cold hearted. Buscemi’s Mr Shhh is the actions to Walken’s words.

The Man With The Plan

Robert Helpmann (as The Childcatcher) - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)

How many nightmares was this responsible for?

Childcatcher

Eihi Shiina (as Asami Yamazaki) - Audition (1999)

Glenn Close pretty much rewrote the script when it came to The Femme Fatale, with her part in Fatal Attraction. Shiina took the woman (not so) scorned in a far, far darker direction. There are scenes in this film that are literally and metaphorically torture. And some of it made Rob Zombie sick. A seriously disturbing piece of acting, in a seriously disturbing film.

Asami

Robert Michum (as Harry Powell) - The Night of the Hunter (1955)

Michum could easily be in this list twice, as his performance in the 1962 version of Cape Fear is almost as disturbing. It was as “Preacher”, Harry Powell that Michum was his most sinister. It was this performance that brought the iconic “LOVE” and “HATE” tattoos into popular culture.

Powell

Morgan Woodward (as Boss Godfrey) - Cool Hand Luke (1967)

Boss Godfrey was the sinister Chain Gang guard, that always wore glasses and didn’t seem entirely human. It’s all in the sunglasses. They don’t cover his eyes, they are his eyes. He was seen as being so much like The Devil himself, that he would be an obvious influence on the Coen Brothers’ Sheriff Cooley, in O Brother, Where Art Thou. Not entirely human.

Boss Godfrey

Peter Lorre (Hans Beckhert) - M (1931)

Lorre’s depiction of Child Murderer Beckhert is frightening now, and it is 77 years since the film was made. Fritz Lang’s decision to cast a comic actor (Lorre), coupled with his pioneering mastery of leitmotif and the tracking shot made this film as uncomfortable now as it was then. The role was a defining one for Lorre, who would go on to repeat his creepy performance in films like The Man Who Knew Too Much and The Maltese Falcon.

Beckhert in M

Sergi Lopez (Captain Vidal) - Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)

As with M, Guillermo Del Toro made a brave decision in casting a comedic actor for as Captain Vidal. Vidal is a psychopathic Captain of Franco’s fascist army. He hunts down guerrillas, and is not adverse to torture or brutal murder. He shows a complete lack of compassion for his wife and a hatred for her daughter. There is one scene in particular… the one with the rabbit hunters…

Captain Vidal

Gary Oldman (Norman Stanfield) - Leon (1994)

Not many people can play a psycho quite like Gary Oldman. And he has certainly had plenty of practice. Stansfield is a classical music enthusiast, and deranged police officer, who was responsible for the deaths of Mathilda’s (Natalie Portman) family. There are several scenes in the film that underline just how unhinged Stanfield is, not least when he starts sniffing people. Oldman managed to create a character that is both entertaining to watch, and downright frightening.

Norman Stanfield

Louise Fletcher (Nurse Ratched) - One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest (1975)

Ratched rules the Oregon State mental hospital with an iron fist. She is happy to lobotomize patients for disruptive behavior, humiliate them whenever possible and deprive them of food. Fletcher won an Academy Award for her role as Ratched, completing a Grand Slam of Oscars for the film. A frightening version of corrupted power.

Nurse Ratched

Anyone we have missed out? Let us know.

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Every year there is a transfer saga that drags on and on, and this year it has been that of Cristiano Ronaldo. Although the man himself has said very little, we have heard from his mother, his sister and various friends that he definitely wants to play for Real Madrid. Only that he definitely wants to stay at Manchester United. For obvious reasons- 42 of them last year- United don’t want to sell. Madrid, and especially club president Ramon Calderon, have been accused of underhanded behavior in their attempts to sign the Portuguese winger- a pursuit that has been going on for at least the past two years. It has been enough of a news story for luminaries such as Sepp Blatter, David Beckham and Pele to add their voices to the debate. Everyone in football seems to have an opinion. Some - like Beckham (suggesting he go to Madrid) and Pele (suggesting he honour his contract) have provided harmless sound-bites. Others, like that of Sepp Blatter- who suggested that if the player is kept in his contract he is a “slave”- are far more harmful. It seems like everyone has given their opinion on this transfer except the player himself. What are the repurcussions? Has he damaged his reputation? Why would he want to move? Is it ethical? It might just be the most contentious transfer saga (if any deal actually happens) ever.

Much has been made of the fact that Ronaldo has “publicly flirted” with Real Madrid, and that it might have damaged his reputation somewhat. Manchester United have accused Calderon and Madrid of deliberately trying to unsettle their player. There is certainly a large element of truth in this, as Calderon has had Los Merengues propaganda wing- the sports paper Marca- printing Ronaldo stories on an almost daily basis. United went as far as contacting FIFA over an “improper approach” for Ronaldo. What may have worked in Madrid’s favour is that FIFA takes a dim view of transfers being done without the knowledge of the “selling” club. Calderon’s approach has been brazen and unapologetic. To United, it may seem like Real are trying to tap their player, but to Calderon they are simply publicly declaring their admiration for another player. Both practises are equally unethical- a public or a private coveting is still a coveting- but one is legal.

This should be something Manchester United are perfectly well aware of. They may have complained over Madrid’s handling of the Ronaldo affair, but the “Sale By Media” isn’t an unfamiliar tactic at Old Trafford. At the same time as the club must deal with speculation on Ronaldo, they are happy to let speculation turn the relevant wheels, so they can secure Dimitar Berbatov from Spurs, despite refusing to meet Spurs’ asking price. Similar things happened when United signed Owen Hargreaves. Indeed, when Ferguson first moved to United, he was alleged to have tapped Aberdeen goalkeeper Jim Leighton up, to follow him. United should know as well as anyone, that when certain clubs come calling, there is little you can do to persuade your players to stay.

There are two far more pressing concerns about the whole saga. The first point concerns Ronaldo himself. If he genuinely wants to play for Real Madrid, then he will probably get his wish. The question is- why? Why would a player who is likely to get the World Player of the Year award, and who has just had a record breaking season at the European and Premiership Champions, want to move to a Madrid side who are only a year into their latest rebuilding process? Madrid are certainly the most glamourous side in the world, but they were well beaten in last years’ Champions League by a Roma side that Manchester United had put seven past a year previously. Granted, they have won the past two La Liga seasons, but they lost 7 games in 2007/08, more than anyone in the English Top 4. Their recent success has as much to do with Barcelona imploding, than any renaissance. Manchester United have the best manager in the world in Alex Ferguson. He brings 22 years of stability, and a knowledge of how Manchester United and Cristiano Ronaldo should play to get the best results. In the same 22 years, Real Madrid have had an incredible 21 different managers. Ferguson’s tactics allow Ronaldo the space and time he thrives on. He has effectively re-invented the forward line by having two hard working “strikers” in Rooney and Tevez, so that Ronaldo can feed off the chances they create. Would any other manager in the world be able to get the same results? While Ronaldo’s record at International level is exceptional (21 goals in 58 games), it is a long way short of his record for United. Mediocre sides like Serbia and Finland managed to isolate Ronaldo if he was left to play as “just” a winger (albeit a great one). Would Real Madrid change their famously rigid formation to accomodate a special player? They didn’t do it for Zidane…

Finally, and most seriously, there are the comments of Sepp Blatter. As anyone who has read my views on the man before will know, I am not a fan. His latest comments suggest that if United keep Ronaldo, when he wants to go to Madrid, then he will effectively be a “slave” (his words). Aside from the fact that, as UEFA pointed out, most slaves don’t earn £6m per year or spend £10,000 in nightclubs while shunning Paris Hilton, Blatter seems to be contradicting himself. He has always had a problem with English clubs wealth and the accompanying success, and Manchester United are the easiest target to pick on. You only need to go back as far as February, for a slightly more low profile case, when Blatter fielded an entirely different opinion. When a court of arbitration ruled that Andy Webster was allowed to walk away from his contract, Blatter decreed

“Because of this unfortunate decision, the principle of contractual stability, as agreed in 2001 with the European Commission as part of the new transfer regulations and which restored order to the transfer system, has been deemed less important than the short-term interests of the player involved”.

So, allowing a player to move when they want is “unfortunate”, but keeping them is “slavery? It is hardly surprising that these comments come from a man who has advocated “tighter shorts for womens football”, the golden/silver goal rule (abolished), no appeals for red cards, an offside rule nobody understands and effectively banning high altitude countries from their own capitals. The most damaging, and shortsighted of all, was the fact he used the word “slave”. Slavery is an unfortunate part of football. There have been various accounts of human trafficing, where players from Ghana and Cameroon were taken to Europe to play football, only to be abandoned. As recently as last year there were reports of 15 young Africans shipwrecked in the Canary Islands, after they were told they would get trials with Real Madrid or Marseille. Similar situations occur in South America, where players are “owned” by corporations, or agents. They have little say in where they play. No disrespect to West Ham fans, but Tevez and Mascherano cannot have expected to be West Ham players when they first went to Europe. Clubs all over Europe are desperate to uncover the next Essien, Weah, Drogba, Milla, Yekini or Eto’o and so they set up feeder clubs in these countries. It is here where the line between slavery and football is most blurred. The players might be better looked after, and they might actually have a chance of “making it”, but it is effectively a form of sport “strip mining”. What Blatter (and Ronaldo) need to realise, is that they are in incredibly privelidged positions, and they should think more carefully about their responsibilties.

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Although I’ve not yet had a chance to play with the 3G version, I’ve been very impressed with the version 2.0 software (apart from an annoying pause it seems to have introduced whenever I view my contacts).

But I am amazed! at the shambles that the launch has become.

One of the key insights of modern agile development methodologies (like Scrum, Extreme Programming and Crystal Clear) is that “big bang” releases are never a good idea. Instead, they use iterative, incremental releases. What Apple tried with the iPhone launch was the biggest of big bangs imaginable!

In one day, they tried to:

• Release a new version of a handset globally
• Release a new version of the desktop (Mac or PC) software which interfaces with that handset
• Release a new version of the software running on existing handsets
• Release a new version of the back-end server technology (MobileMe) supporting all the above

The upshot of all of this? Nobody could upgrade their handsets when O2’s systems collapsed under the load. Then people’s iPhones became bricks when upgrading to version 2.0. Then MobileMe was down for maintenance for much longer than intended and is still only limping along.

Anyone who has ever been involved in large software/IT projects could have worked out that this was guaranteed to happen. Big bangs don’t work. Why was Apple unable to forsee this?

The iPhone is a lovely device. But Apple have badly tarnished their reputation in my eyes.

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We’re going to be talking about some of the really cool technology we’ve built to support the Texperts service in Intellectual Scalability - Solving a Large Problem With Multiple Cooperating Rails Apps

Do take the time to say “hi” if you’re attending!

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A crowd of 500+ people are usually tired, slightly waspish and muttering angrily about the rudeness/lateness of low cost airlines. Everyone wants to get home. Usually.

Tonight it is different. The whole passenger group is transfixed by the goings-on in SW19. Two champions, two great sportsmen, are doing battle in a match of amazing quality and no-one wants to go home.

I’ve heard 3 or 4 people mutter “I hope our flight is delayed”. How often do you hear that?

Now, if you’ve ever met me you’ll know I’m a sports nut. I love, in descending order: rugby union (Grand Slam this year!), golf, football, touch rugby, cricket, rugby league, F1, snooker and darts.

Tennis isn’t on that list. On the whole I find tennis (particularly on grass) pretty dull. However, what can be more thrilling than watch 2 absolute champions at the top of their game, both gunning for something they want so dearly.

Negative sporting teams - particularly football teams - should take note. These guys have gone for their shots and played positively. Similar to Spain in the Euros.  The only real shame is that there will be a loser. It’ll make next years rematch all the more thrilling.

The reason I’m writing this, though, is the general captivating aura of such a battle. I’m a sports fan so you’d expect me to be interested. The hard-drinkign Glasweigans and the mothers-of-three seem equally enthralled. Fantastic stuff.

20:56 - The Fed misses a simple volley to take his service game to deuce (having dug out of a hole at 0-30). The whole airport let’s out an “oooh”! The standard of the play is unbelievable.

21:04 - repeated oohs and aahs from the travellers-cum-tennis-fans after nadal holds serve to go 7-7 in the final set. We are all worried our flight is going to be on time and we’ll miss the end of this… We take off in 20 mins…

21:07 - thank god I haven’t got priority boarding! They have to board now when Nadal has break points!!

21:09 - Rafa breaks! Now if they can just hold the plane while I watch him serve out…

21:12 - time to board. Man, I hope my V+ box has saved this for me… The bbc will come through with the iPlayer … Won’t they? If not, I’m campaigning against the licence fee! Let me know what happens, won’t you?

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Is. There. Any. Need.

No, in a word.

Reunions are almost always a bad idea. Bumping into the dullard that you sat next to in Geography while you’re doing the big shop at Tesco is grim enough, but having to live through the fresh hell of boy bands reforming causes me to retch violently into my own hands.

However, much as I’d rather chop off my own knees than admit it, NKOTB were staggeringly successful in their day. Brought together by singer and producer Maurice Starr, the boy band was born in Boston in 1984 and sold over 70 million records worldwide.

Can you still name all five members? Of course you can. Danny Wood, Jordan and Jonathan Knight, Joey McIntyre and Donnie Wahlberg. Members, everyone of them. Remember Hangin’ Tough? What about The Right Stuff (actually entitled You Got It (The Right Stuff))? And, and… actually I can’t name anymore. But they did release six albums before disbanding in 1994.

I can’t wait for them to disband again, unlike another band that, frankly, should never have split up in the first place. Fortunately The Who have also reunited an equal number of times since they first played together in 1964 and were recognised in 1990 as one of the greatest bands in the world. Mind you, how a band makes its money covering tv theme tunes from American forensic dramas is a mystery.

While I have nothing but derision and bile for NKOTB, there’ll always be a soft, squidgy place in heart for Gary, Jason, Howard and Mark. Take That truly are the comeback kings. Disbanding in 1996, reforming a decade later after an ITV documentary, their return was truly stellar. Their album Beautiful World has sold over 2.3 million copies so far since its release in November 2006, making it one of the top 20 albums of the 21st century.

No doubt 2008 will see more of them receive their tax bills and wonder how to best pay it with the least amount of effort. Unfortunately the rest of us will have to pay, too. Enough said.

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