Is it an indication that a global Armageddon date has been set, to be preceded by monstrous, vile, contorted apparitions that scratch at the soul? Just when you thought it was safe to listen to your radio, New Kids on The Block have announced that they’re reforming.

Is. There. Any. Need.

No, in a word.

Reunions are almost always a bad idea. Bumping into the dullard that you sat next to in Geography while you’re doing the big shop at Tesco is grim enough, but having to live through the fresh hell of boy bands reforming causes me to retch violently into my own hands.

However, much as I’d rather chop off my own knees than admit it, NKOTB were staggeringly successful in their day. Brought together by singer and producer Maurice Starr, the boy band was born in Boston in 1984 and sold over 70 million records worldwide.

Can you still name all five members? Of course you can. Danny Wood, Jordan and Jonathan Knight, Joey McIntyre and Donnie Wahlberg. Members, everyone of them. Remember Hangin’ Tough? What about The Right Stuff (actually entitled You Got It (The Right Stuff))? And, and… actually I can’t name anymore. But they did release six albums before disbanding in 1994.

I can’t wait for them to disband again, unlike another band that, frankly, should never have split up in the first place. Fortunately The Who have also reunited an equal number of times since they first played together in 1964 and were recognised in 1990 as one of the greatest bands in the world. Mind you, how a band makes its money covering tv theme tunes from American forensic dramas is a mystery.

While I have nothing but derision and bile for NKOTB, there’ll always be a soft, squidgy place in heart for Gary, Jason, Howard and Mark. Take That truly are the comeback kings. Disbanding in 1996, reforming a decade later after an ITV documentary, their return was truly stellar. Their album Beautiful World has sold over 2.3 million copies so far since its release in November 2006, making it one of the top 20 albums of the 21st century.

No doubt 2008 will see more of them receive their tax bills and wonder how to best pay it with the least amount of effort. Unfortunately the rest of us will have to pay, too. Enough said.

Portishead- Machine Gun: When we found out there was a sneak of the new album available, this one caused quite a stir… It looks like it was all worth the wait.

The Breeders-We’re Going to Rise: Rumours that absolute zero is to be renamed “Kim Deal”, on account of her being the epitome of cool, are unconfirmed.

Cut Chemist feat. Hymnal- What’s the Altitude: Just listen. It’s great.

Neon Neon- I Lust U: Take one Welsh singer-songwriter, one Super Furry Animal and some cool electronic beats and you get this bad boy.

Blood Red Shoes- Its Getting Boring By the Sea: In anticipation of their upcoming debut album.

The Cribs- I’m A Realist: Apparently Johnny Marr is a full time Crib now. Can the man not be satisfied with just one great band?

Squarepusher- Come on My Selector: Squarepusher + Chris Cunningham= Very, very weird.

INXS- Need You Tonight/Mediate: A bit of a classic

Rage Against the Machine- Testify: RATM return to UK shores this summer with a couple of shows at the festivals. Fingers crossed for a new album as well…

Roxy Music- Ladytron: And why not.

Idlewild- A Modern Way of Letting Go: Famously described as the sound of “a flight of stairs falling down a flight of stairs”.

Giant Drag- This Isn’t It: In the week that Annie Hardy asked fans to fund her making a new album (without a label), here is reason to reach deep into the pockets.

Les Savy Fav- Patty Lee: Thom bought their entire back catalogue when he was on holiday. “More people should do the same!”

Aerosmith-Crazy: We have no idea why Darren likes this video.

Lemonheads-It’s About Time: A great bit of early nineties Country Rock. Spotters badges for anyone who recognises who Evan Dando’s ladyfriend is in this video…

Portishead-Glory Box: We have been waiting a decade for new material, and “Third” finally arrives at the end of this month. Here is a classic.

NEU!- Hallogallo: In tribute to Klaus Dinger, who died this week, aged 61.

B-52’s- Private Idaho: REM aren’t the only Athens natives who have released a great new album this month. Here is an under appreciated classic (with a title Gus Van Sant borrowed for his own film of the same name)

Bonnie Prince Billy- Agnes, Queen of Sorrow: The king of alt-country!

The Pharcyde- Drop: A very cool song, and a very, very cool video.

Mclusky- She Will Only Bring You Happiness: A bit of a lost classic really.

The Wedding Present- Why Are You Being So Unreasonable Now: No reason really. Just that it is good.

Like Marmite, football, Anne Robinson, public transport and the matter of certain sexual acts still being illegal in Utah, REM are a band that polarises opinion. Either you adore Michael Stipe’s crookedly distinctive vocals or you’d like to see him flogged in public and rolled in salt.

I’ve been in love with REM since I was a teenager. And it was love, let me tell you; the sort that boys of a particular age only experience when they discover what dad keeps in his sock drawer.

Life’s Rich Pageant and Green were the soundtrack to my Kerouac years, as I hammered at the keys of my typewriter, frustrated by my own literacy genius. Sadly, unlike Kerouac, I possessed no ability and my tales of working class angst were illiterate rubbish.

Michael, Peter Buck, Mike Mills and Bill Berry (as REM were still a four piece for most of the nineties) got me through the despondency and heartache, as I realised my immediate destiny lay not as a famous author but behind the bar of the Tap & Spile in Darlington.

So to celebrate the release of their fourteenth studio Accelerate and its debut single Supernatural Superserious, plus the recent arrival of my tickets to see the band in Naples, here are some REM goujons to whet your appetite:

• The small college town of Athens in Georgia is not only home to REM, but also The B-52s (who coincidentally also have a new album, Funplex, out this week), and hence their collaboration on the abominable single Shiny Happy People (it was rubbish, I’ll concede that point)
• England was slow to catch on to their popjangling; by the time REM broke in the UK with Losing My Religion in 1991, they’d already released six albums
• Losing My Religion is a fine example of how extensive radio exposure can brainwash the population; while many folk perceive it to be one of their biggest UK hits, the band have since had over a dozen singles more successful
• Out of Time, the album from which Losing My Religion is taken, has sold 12 million copies worldwide
• In 1996 REM signed the largest recording contract in the world at that point, to deliver five albums to Warner Records in return for a pocket-swelling $80 million
• According to a Feedjit poll on the band’s website, a quarter of the world’s REM fans live in the UK
• I am one rock and roll degree of separation away from bass guitarist Mike Mills - Fact!

As excellent and accomplished as their back catalogue is, REM are still worthy of note because they’re continually pushing boundaries with their music. The new album Accelerate is released in physical form next week, but users of iLike have been able to preview the whole album online. The iLike application is one of the more popular available on Facebook, meaning a new market of younger music connoisseurs can experience the greatest band in the world.

Apart from the Foo Fighters. And Jesus Jones. Obviously.

The new album is, by the way, a genuinely excellent record. However, I’m still enthusing about Around The Sun, which everyone else hated. But then they’re probably the same people responsible for this travesty. Philistines, the lot of you.

It’s been an exciting week in Texperts Towers, especially with the induction of Paul Smith as out new music blogger. Check out his inaugural blog on Duffy in Music Texpertise. Other listening pleasures include:

Gnarles Barkley - Gone Daddy Gone: A video tour-de-force from the unstoppable Cee-Lo and Danger Mouse. What could make Gnarles Barkley better? Why, covering the Violent Femmes of course!

Violent Femmes - American Music: We like American Music. Best! Baby…

Ghostface Killah & Amy Winehouse - You Know I’m No Good: Controversial comments from Darren this week about Paul Smith’s Welsh Angel, so here’s a fallen angel for the Dazza instead. Add Eric’s favourite member of the Wu-Tang clan - Staten’s ageless Ghostface Killa - and the phattest Brooklyn funk band on the planet, and you’ve got a sure-fire winner.

Black Mountain - Angels: Notice a theme emerging here? Vancouver’s Black Mountain has been catching Eric’s ear for many a moon. Their new album is stunning - prog, 70s sludge-rock, and a fragile-yet-manly rock tenor combine with an arsenal of fuzz pedals and analogue synths in their latest release. Rock salvation.

Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings - 100 Days, 100 Nights: Mighty, booty-shaking funk. The aforementioned Brooklyn funk. Plus an American diva. Killer. Henry endorses.

Aha - Take on Me: Fred can’t get enough of this tune - or its pomo counterpart.

Tangerine Dream - Rubycon: Sometimes it’s hard to be a techie. Paul loves Tangerine Dream but meets resistance from Texperts Towers when he tries to rock this glorious, analogue sequencer-driven 70s mayhem.

Prince - Purple Rain: Thomas stunned the office with an all-Prince afternoon this week, and we’ve all been wearing purple ever since.

Welsh Male Voice Choir - Cwm Rhondda: Rhod is psyching himself up for the rugger this weekend by rocking out to the rousing strains of Welsh choirs. Of course, the office supports him 100%. Help me Rhondda?

Motorhead - The Ace of Spades: Sarah’s motorbiking anthem. Look out.