Perhaps the most intriguing piece of news that has been broken today is the exclusive story that the BBC have recorded footage of an incredible tribe of flying penguins. I am sure you will agree that this is a stunning piece of footage…

However, the thought that penguins could fly is nowhere near as significant as the discovery of a UFO over the Bristol Channel. It is even more extraordinary when you find that the UFO was not seen by eyewitnesses who have had one too many in the Dog and Duck, but by casual web surfers on Google Earth. Have The Sun made the most important scientific breakthrough of the day?

Not to be outdone, the Daily Record has the sad news that an experiment into crossing Pears and Oranges (to create a Porange) has been running into difficulties. Apparently, rowdy locals in the Braehead Shopping Centre (chosen because it has a glass roof, just like- you know- a greenhouse) near Glasgow have been stealing the fruit, which is said to have ten times the amount of Vitamin C as a regular orange, and has an edible peel.

In sports news, the Daily Mail can exclusively reveal that the Premiership is looking at introducing a bonus point scheme from next season, in a bid to end 0-0 draws. It is all very complicated, but it does mean that teams can accumulate 27 points in two games. So this time next year you can look forward to Hull City challenging for the league, while also trying to claw back a 15 point gap in the relegation fight…

No such complications from the Daily Mirror, who have the exclusive breaking news that Wembley Arena will host the very first Greyhound Race… on ice. Cruel? Exploitative? Of course not! The dogs are fitted with special shoes you see, which means that they are perfectly adapted to the surface. Isn’t hockey more exciting on ice? And who wouldn’t like to see dogs hurtling into each other for sport? Communists, that’s who.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 1st, 2008 by Thom Watt and is filed under Community. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.